3 “All of my fears” Stars “The stupid in-between stage where all our feelings are giant and adult and serious, but part of us still clings to the past, licking chocolate icing from our fingers and tossing stones, because deep down we know that once we let go of the edge-once we jump- there’s no going back. And the problem with jumping is that it can’t be undone; you can’t go back once you’ve learned to fly. It’s part of you, and you have to live with it whether you like it or not, because you are the idiot who jumped in the first place.” FULL REVIEW NOW POSTED.Disclaimer: Copy provided by the publisher and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Buddy reading this with the coolest person here. ✨I am so glad I buddy-read this, sometimes I needed the commitment to push through the emotional heaviness. WARNINGS: Homophobic comments, insults, characters, scenes. Throughout the book, & After finishing the book: Life is shitty.I don’t wanna feel anything anymore, feelings are too damn painful. Let me be clear, this is NOT a bad book. Quite the opposite actually, but is certainly heavy. We follow Alex a very much closeted lesbian in a small town in Australia, and how everything changes for her when the Stone family moves to town. Plot: In basic words, it was Alex coming out, falling in love, and letting life kick her ass over and over again.Characters:So the characters were alright, I honestly didn’t have a huge attachment to anybody here. Alex had me at nerve point at the start of the book, and then Phoenix became my nerve wrecking state at the end. Also, the existence of Phoenix felt to manic pixie dream for Alex, it was like she had a purpose and that's it. Then, of course, we are thrown with the TFIOS plot twist and bam she conveniently disappeared. I would like to say I like the supporting characters, but I cannot let myself redeem them completely. Relationship: Didn't feel it one bit. Too rushed. Too insta-lovey for me. And it made me wonder what would have been of Alex if Phoenix had never appeared in her life. Besides, the sex scenes were bad for me, like I get is YA, so you don’t want to include mature content. But at least you could black the scene out instead of pretending it happen, jumping from we are going to do it- to what is your future plans post-sex conversation. I MEAN DID IT HAPPEN OR NOT? I think my lack of connection towards the romance was what made it 3 stars for me.Homophobia:And here is the most delicate part of this book, and perhaps the theme that made appreciate the story. There is homophobia everywhere. Small town, religious, everyone things having a different sexuality is wrong. But an interesting point is that the characters who are homophobic, are not just characters with that purpose, instead, they are family, friends, community members to our mc. Which makes everything way harder and emotionally heavy, because it is a reality. IS NOT CORRECT, NOT AT ALL. But it shows how homophobia is a very present thing in our daily lives. Three things that bothered me a lot were how characters got mad at our mc for not telling them sooner that she was lesbian when they constantly made homophobic comments, I mean you were not making a safe space. And second was the way her mother reacted, wow it was just scary. After reading that scene I promised myself if I ever consider a serious relationship with somebody, I will ask for complete acceptance towards a kid sexuality, no matter what is their preference. Because damn if my partner reacts violently to a coming out, it would be a deal breaker for me, bye. And finally, the way everyone thought about themselves and how the fact our mc was lesbian affected them. I seriously wanted to scream IS NOT ABOUT YOU. Anyway, I could write a whole essay on this theme, but I don’t think you will be interested. “Living with the memories you’ve got- and the one’s you’ll never make- is going to hurt, but pain is the privilege of the living.” This is a book that makes you think and makes you curse life and how unfair is it. Is not a fluffy contemporary, I keep repeating this because it was hard for me to digest. So if you are for a heavy f/f contemporary romance, try this one.